Seeking unlikely hero who’s good with plants

I realize this morning’s post was probably a bit of a snooze for people who haven’t read The Rise of Silas Lapham (even though the novel itself is not a snooze–I’ve been flying through the last hundred pages this afternoon and evening), so this evening I decided to write something more fun, or something that at least nerds like me will consider fun.

I was thinking earlier about the two fictional characters I’m most in love with.  One, Sam Gamgee, I’ve loved since I first read The Lord of the Rings at age 13; the other, Neville Longbottom, I’ve loved for a shorter time but no less fervently (I have a larger-than-life-sized representation of him in glossy cardboard).  The similarities between the two are significant: both appear somewhat incompetent on first impression but turn out to be undeniably capable and even heroic, and both have a knack for botany (or Herbology, in Neville’s case).  Also, now that I think of it, both are intimidated by angry wizards.  But who wouldn’t be?

Based on these ideal figures, I’ve compiled a list for the reference of any guy who may, for whatever reason, want to impress me.

1. I would be really impressed if you could slay something, preferably something that urgently demands to be slain, such as a squadron of orcs or a snake that’s actually a Horcrux.

2. You need to be able to locate plants with magical properties in case I need them in an emergency.  For example, if I am stabbed by a Morgul blade, I will need you to find me some athelas, also known as kingsfoil.  Or, if I need to spend a prolonged period of time underwater (I was thinking about visiting the Titanic site with James Cameron), I will require gillyweed.

3. It would also be nice if you had some skill with regular, non-magical plants, particularly edible plants like po-ta-toes and strawberries (do you remember the taste of strawberries, Mr. Frodo?).  Here Sam has a decided advantage over Neville.  I guess it’s possible that Neville is cultivating a little kitchen garden next to his venomous tentacula plants, but we know for a fact that Sam cooks (unintentional 1960s popular music reference!).  But if we’re talking about advantages and disadvantages, let’s be fair: Neville owns a pair of shoes.  Also, Neville is human; technically, Sam is not.  But this isn’t a competition.

4. If you have a domineering older person in your life, such as your old Gaffer or your Gran, you will always have someone whose good opinion you strive to live up to or whose poor opinion you strive to prove wrong.  This will play a large part in your emerging heroism.

5. I don’t mind if you say lots of ridiculous things; in fact, I will probably find it endearing.  But try to come up with at least one awesome line to deliver at a tense moment.  For example, if someone asks you how your parents are, try saying, “Better, now they’re about to be avenged.”  Or, here’s one that works in all kinds of different situations: “I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you!”

Well, that should give you something to work with.  If you think you could live up to my exacting standards, and especially if you’ve ever had your Remembrall stolen or gotten excited about seeing an oliphant, please inquire.

Penelope Clearwater Revival…

…would be a good name for a Southern-inflected wizard rock band. Feel free to use it if you are thinking of starting one (as I’m sure many of you are).

A Penelope Clearwater Revival is also what this blog needs. I feel like I need a theme, or something give people a reason to actually want to read my blog. I’ll get back to you on that. Maybe more pictures of fairies?

snow, Penelope, Australia

This post has three unrelated topics.

1. It snowed again in Lynchburg.  Apparenly the only time I update my blog is when it snows.  This time, the snow was minimal in volume and low in excitement (it happened overnight, so we didn’t even get to see it arrive, and it didn’t even stick on the roads).  Definitely not picture-worthy.  But worth noting.  This winter, any amount of snow is worth noting.

2. I saw Penelope Clearwater.  Last night as I was watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets for the first time in a long time, I noticed her (noticed myself?) for the first time ever.  The scene is near the beginning of the movie; you see Nearly Headless Nick swooping into the Great Hall where the students are at breakfast.  Percy and Penelope are walking out of the shot, and you hear Percy say, “Hello, Sir Nicholas,” and Nick says, “Hello, Percy; Hello, Miss Clearwater.”  Because her back is turned, all you can see of Penelope is that she has long, light-colored hair.  I guess it’s not really that exciting.

3. But you know what is exciting?  Next week, my sister and I are going to visit our dad at work–in Melbourne, Australia!  Here are some things we hope to see: Phillip Island, where there are penguins; the oldest zoo in America; the jail where famous outlaw Ned Kelly was hanged.  Updates, with pictures, will follow.

A tasteful fanfic

So…you see how long this post is, and you’re probably thinking, she’s already broken the resolution she made just yesterday.  But this is an exception.  I’ve been intending to post this story since last Thursday, when I had a rare dispensation of writing inspiration.  That night, I wrote a short story about a guy who finds some of his lost confidence in a bakery (I’m looking for a more traditional distribution channel for that one), and I still had enough leftover writing high to dash off another quick story before I went to bed.  This second one is a Harry Potter fan fiction.  But put images of a Draco/Harry romance out of your mind; this one is in good taste, and nobody acts out of character.  Be warned, though: you might cry.  A few readers already have.

Fred Weasley’s funeral was eventful, something no funeral should be.  They had it in the back yard of the Burrow, exactly where Bill’s wedding had been a year before.  Charlie walked in late because he had forgotten how to get to the house, which made his mother cry even harder than she was already crying.  Ron didn’t say a word all day; he just stared out into the middle distance with red-rimmed eyes.  George wouldn’t look in the casket, and people kept starting when they saw him, as if they’d seen a ghost.  He kept his head down during the funeral and completely disappeared during the part when everybody came up and greeted the family.

Percy disappeared in the middle of the funeral itself; his dad eventually found him sitting on the kitchen floor, sobbing about how he shouldn’t be there and nobody wanted him there, and how that explosion should have killed him instead of Fred.  Mr. Weasley didn’t know what to say, so he waited until Percy stopped crying and then led him bodily out to where the funeral was still going on.

Ginny, who seemed the most composed of the family, made a brief speech about how lucky she was to have so many brothers, and how she loved them all, but Fred had taught her how to play Quidditch, and how he’d always said to her, “Be safe and be good, little sister,” and she’d say, “You too,” and they’d said it not even an hour before he’d died.  Ginny had inserted oblique messages into her speech for certain brothers, but Percy wasn’t even there when she said the part about putting the past behind them, and Ron was completely checked out when she talked about trying to get along better with her brothers and not argue so much.

Bill felt torn between Fleur, who felt like an outsider even though she had the proper surname, and his mother, who looked very alone when Arthur was off chasing down their missing sons.  The people who didn’t have the proper surname felt extraordinarily out of place.  Harry had wanted to sit with Ginny, but Hermione thought the front row should be family only, so the two of them hovered restlessly in the second row.  There were only a few others: some random extended family members; the awkward neighbors, the Lovegoods; Angelina Johnson, an old Quidditch teammate who had gone out with Fred once or twice.  All the others who would have come were busy with losses of their own, or reluctant to leave their loved ones.

At the end of the day, everyone was so tired they didn’t even want to eat.  Mrs. Weasley cooked anyway.

Harry Potter humor

Despite its title, I’m trying to make sure this does not become a Harry Potter blog, and I intend for my next few posts, after this one, to have nothing to do with HP.  (For example, I’m planning to review the final David Crowder Band album, Give Us Rest, which was released last week.)  But I couldn’t resist sharing a thought I had the other day: What if every bestselling novel and series released since J.K. Rowling started writing Harry Potter was actually about Harry Potter?  Here are some hypothetical synopses.

1. A Series of Unfortunate Events. The life of Neville Longbottom.

2. The Hunger Games. An account of the brawl that inevitably ensues when a meal is served at the Weasley home.  First come, first served.

3. The Help. A socially conscious young woman named Hermione Granger meets two house-elves, Dobby and Winky, who will change her life forever.

4. The Shack. An allegorical story set in the ramshackle structure outside Hogsmeade where Remus Lupin (see Twilight below) can ride out his lycanthropic fits without hurting anyone.

5. Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Never mind, this is the one about Neville.  (I love you, Neville.)

6. The Half-Giant Man with the Dragon Tattoo. Things you didn’t know about Hagrid.

7. Eragon. A spin-off series in which the tattooed half-giant’s dream comes true: he befriends a talking Norwegian Ridgeback named Norbert.

8. Percy Weasley and the Ministry Aides. Ambitious Hogwarts grads take on stacks of paperwork of Olympian proportions.  Olympian.

9. Left Behind. What happens to Harry when he has to stay at school because he didn’t get his Hogsmeade permission slip signed.

10. Twilight. Nymphadora Tonks has to decide whether she wants to be with Remus Lupin or a nattily dressed vampire who looks like Cedric Diggory.

Returning

Maybe because I’ve recently spent some time back home with my family, or maybe because it’s the new year, a time when evangelicals like myself tend to talk a lot about repenting, refocusing, and returning to God.  Whatever the reason, I’ve been thinking a lot about prodigal son stories–not that I’m a prodigal in the exact sense of the word, or a son for that matter, but I can identify with the biblical pig-slop boy pretty well.  This morning in church we sang “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing,” and when we got to the line “Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it” I wept a little bit (discreetly), and then I thought of a great blog post, based upon Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.  (Would you expect anything else from me?)

I started thinking about how fitting it is that in a book that culminates with a massive high school homecoming (all those Hogwarts alumni and truant students, some coming back to be true to their school, and some coming back to destroy it), we get all these beautiful stories of return and restoration.  Ron coming back to Harry and Hermione, led by a supernatural “tiny little ball of light.”  Snape coming back to Dumbledore, on his knees, with a broken spirit.  Percy coming back to be a Weasley again.  Harry coming back to King’s Cross, where it all began–first in that bright moment of clarity between life and death, and then at the end, bringing his children to board the train to a restored Hogwarts, telling his son that it’s ok to be a Slytherin because things have changed now; broken social structures have been mended. 

This has all probably been said before (by John Granger, no doubt), but it came to me like a discovery, and it’s a discovery I’d like to pursue.  If you think of any return and restoration stories in Deathly Hallows that I’ve missed, let me know.  And I’d love to hear about some of your other favorite homecomings in literature and film.  (I’ll go ahead and state one that seems really obvious to me: The Hobbit, Or, There and Back Again.)

Welcome to Ravenclaw Tower.

I don’t have any pretensions to wit beyond measure.  In fact, I doubt I would be able to answer the logic problem in order to gain access to the real Ravenclaw Tower (although I do take comfort in the thought that if Luna Lovegood can get in, maybe I could too.  And by this I mean no disrespect to Luna.)  But I wanted to give my blog a Ravenclaw name because I hope, humbly, to create a place where thoughtful inquiry and the magic of words can thrive.

Don’t expect a post every day.  Don’t expect brilliance every time.  Do expect book reviews (and movie and music reviews too), brief observations and exclamations, paeans to people I like, product recommendations, and sometimes, posts consisting entirely of quotations from those who approach nearer to immeasurable wit than I do.

And yes, Penelope Clearwater is that Ravenclaw prefect who dated Percy Weasley before he became a total git.  Are you aware how deeply into obscurity a potential blogger has to dig in order to find a quality blog name that someone hasn’t already chosen?